Vague Souvenir – À La Fenêtre
À La Fenêtre
I must say, this is a song that I hated at first… A text that I truly disliked. I thought it was too harsh. Too rude. Too intense. Too raw. Too real…
I couldn’t help it. As beautifully written as it was, I couldn’t like it. I think, when Alex asked me if I liked it after he sent it to me, it was the first time I answered him “no”. I continued right after saying that the text was beautiful, but that I just couldn’t bring myself to like what was being said.
I do remember well the moment we recorded the lyrics for that poem… We were supposed to only record the first one, ”À Ces Matins Sans Âme”, but Alex absolutely wanted to try this one as well. And we did the 2 remaining poems that night as well! We listened to them again the day after, with a fresh mind, to make sure it was all that we wanted it to be.
It may seem as though Alex is only talking in this poem turned song, but he read the text of ”À La Fenêtre” over and over again. Changing the times for the pauses between the words and sentences, giving them different intonations, thus different feels, until he was fully satisfied with it. Over and over and over again. Redoing certain parts, changing others according to the new ones. And somehow, though I cannot explain why and how, this is what made me see a different angle of the song…
The lyrics, the peace they contained in spite of their aggressiveness, with the music in the background made all the difference for me… And it somehow made me like this poem best out of all the other poems…
Here is an English translation of the lyrics:
At The Window
At the window where I stand, a world lives endlessly
Out of breath, worn out, out of time that always seems too short
To all these colors, that bear dreams and killer tears,
Forms sprawl and spread, to become one at times,
Memories of a time; agonizing reminder of this haste, where I lose myself…
High vaulting, with a beat of a wing
Illicit glimmer, where, at the window, one day,
I found myself, observing without really believing, my thoughts agreed and evasive
A lurking silhouette, a shadow without darkness, memory without appeal
Of a woman who one day was mine, or the illusion of an haloed embrace,
The sweet bite of promises from the flesh, or the bitter pleasures of latent hurts,
Gypsy desires of agony from the bitter… eternal image as a tearful legacy
From this window, where I forbid myself the desire to howl my dread of sufferings to come…
To this slap of time that, without fail, makes me lay fallow, away from the eyes, I witness the scene
Where shine and warmth turn the night into a loving mistress,
who in the absence of a hopeful morning, dresses dusk with her finest array, her finest fragrance,
So that forever the air may be filled with a deep sigh,
the drifting of two beings turned over with no decency
And paint the shore with daylight, lifted by a wave with no consideration for regrets…
No remorse, no offerings for the satirized dawn, now faded greyness of a night with no safety.
And from this window where I am perched, cowardly peeping,
deserting without a cause, without a country
Never does this nameless source of sorrow dry up,
deep chalice of being turned into a grail of panting dreams,
For not knowing what to say, for leaving to wither with no last embrace, with no affective shore…
I make myself a fresco martyr, longing for ornaments and stories
with empty words that I prefer without a name…
And I look, on the off-chance, hope of ravishing, if only for an instant,
those laughter and those festive lights,
That this cold heart makes me remember, and repent… Where I imagine myself…
at this window that isn’t anymore. May the winter living inside me
take a naive array and bloom into the nature of mardi gras.
Comments (3)
Anna
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I remember hearing this poem for the first time in the Café, when we all gathered to listen to the album Vague Souvenir !! Just like you Steph, at first I didn’t like it… it was too raw… to harsh!!! Took a while before I gave it a second chance… but after watching the video a few times and really paying attention to the lyrics and reading it over a few times… that’s when I discovered a certain peace within the lyrics… its honesty really touched my heart! Thank you for sharing how you lived it and for being so honest Stephanie… you’re a true inspiration!!!
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Chris
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I loved hearing about the story behind ”À La Fenêtre”, the fact that it wasn’t meant to be on the album at first. In my opinion, with its soulful music and the lyrics that I find very poignant, the song shares about a positive mourning, ”letting go” in our relationships, looking back at them from a window. A window protecting us from wounds and emotions… or ”winter” as the song refers to. For me, this song is not about desperation, it is a honest and liberating scream of the heart.
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Mary
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I love the honesty with which you exposed and shared your thoughts to Alex after reading the blog for the first time. Regardless of if he would be hurt, deceived by your reaction, feel unsupported, or insecure, his story made you go through a personal journey as well. You had the courage to share it, to confront it, to let new emotions and thoughts take place as your journey took place.
Maybe it’s not the reaction that he was expecting or looking for, considering that it must have been a challenging time for him to open his heart and make all his emotions come to life once again. But you were true, and nothing can replace honesty to build a relationship with solid foundations of trust, to let ourselves be known, to carry each other and discover what is outside the window of our lives, surrounded by people that loves us.
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