From A Spark To A Song – À Ces Matins Sans Âme…
“As I first envisioned the idea of giving life to “Vague Souvenir”, I couldn’t imagine how personal and intimate of an album it would become. I couldn’t expect how honestly exposed I would offer myself, neither how emotionally real and uninhibited every word would be, or how much of a true story driven by every drop of sound would recklessly incarnate. Somehow, I guess my profound unselfconsciousness allowed me to unfold what had been kept bonded for so long deep inside of me. As much as I know that if I only had a little idea of the real affective implication of such an unrepressed and consumed project, I would have probably tamed its blooming whisper for its long remorseful self-abandonment spirit to ever find amnesty. I would have doubtlessly softened its tone by dimming the bright light of what desperately needed to be exposed under the luminescence of my desires to uncompromisingly “be”. I would have tinted the vibrant colors of the secret feelings I kept denying for so long. I would have condemned such a pure album to be produced rather than be embodied.
Therefore, my only vision for “Vague Souvenir” was to share the genuineness of the words’ true personification and the sincerity by which I would earnestly actualize them. I wasn’t too concerned about any judgmental public scrutiny, since my conception of “Vague Souvenir” was totally denuded of any successful ambitions and any commercial pretensions. This assumed acknowledgment led me to the unfoldment of what would ultimately define the unique character of the album’s spirit, and to what would bloom into being so much more than words and sounds, all originating in the stammering vulnerability expressed in what would be known as “À Ces Matins Sans Âme”.
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I couldn’t presume that “Vague Souvenir” would be so significantly beyond the fatalistic notions of life, death and everything in between. Words were being confessed in the most unexpected of all possible ways. Forgiveness bloomed in the same measure as the avowal essence of the words I instinctively crafted. As I was contemplating absolution by the assumedly kneeling acceptance of those words’ true nature, I realized that redemption was offering itself through the acknowledgement of my self-abusive ownership of those very same words… that mercy could be consumed by the acceptance of letting go of those words… that inner peace was purely communed by the collectivization of those words, that once sincerely shared, have the ability to set free. No, I couldn’t presume that “Vague Souvenir” would be so significantly beyond the fatalistic notions of life, death and everything in between… an album that would thus become intrinsic to the essence of the heart and soul…
Heart and soul, from which arose the spark of life that gave birth to what would become the corner stone, the indispensable, if not the essential; the spirit of “Vague Souvenir”. Words that aren’t truly poems… Sounds that aren’t purely songs… Shadows that aren’t totally light nor darkness… Fates that aren’t completely hope nor despair… Inceptions that aren’t clearly birth nor death… a journey. A distinctive voyage constituted of words filled with hundreds of fragrances, thousands of invisible images, a mouthful of flavorful words, a few phonetic types of whispering prayers and millions of self-refused heartfelt caresses, all unexpectedly revealed in words that offered themselves in the purest of all ways… humble benefaction of vulnerability emerging as personal and intimate soulful murmurs, sacramental ornaments I wasn’t intending on divulging to the multitudes. But somehow, those unspoken words I used to secretly fashion were defined by such inner-peace that I felt compelled to share their uniquely designed pieces of honesty… well, at least to my band mates… or so I thought.
These words came early that morning. Musing about the song “Old Noisy Friend”, I was contemplating the last couple of years, blessed in a way I couldn’t explain… I was simply reflecting on the moment and let the emotions define what I felt urged to be written. The stream was real and the words sincere… I finished the poem and read it back in a single drift. I didn’t edit any of it and left it intact. I honestly didn’t know what to make out of it. I was intrigued by the words and how they came to life. I sent it to Stephanie, who’s collecting words for an upcoming book of poetry set to be released next year, thinking it would be filed or something, but she wrote back to me right away, almost as immediately as I sent her the poem, wondering if any of those words would be incorporated to the album. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to turn “Vague Souvenir” into some “all-in” type of artsy megalomania. It needed to be genuine. The words were real and sincere, that I knew for sure, way more than I initially thought I guess. But still, as real and sincere as they were, I didn’t know what to think, what to make out of these words. Until I wrote “À La Fênetre”, a few days after. Then I knew. At least, I knew enough to know the implication of such words; I wouldn’t be able to hide this time. Words would be revealed and intimacy would be shared. I was somehow preoccupied to expose myself without any filter, but the next step was about to be determined…
Therefore, I first sent “À Ces Matins Sans Âme” to Ben and Jeff, who were greatly moved by the intimacy of such words. I decided to read it out loud to the other members of the band that very same night, believing that if those words were that real and sincere, I would be able to embody their essence without artifice, as much as I believed that every word would be collectively felt as such… I read it nervously… one time. I’ve been asked to read it a second time… again… and again… and again. I don’t remember how many times I read it, but I do remember how incredibly alive those words became as I was reading them again and all over again, leading us to have one of the most truthful conversations we ever had all together, sharing about our past, as painful and blissful it has been for everyone of us. We shared about the importance of the relationships we have together and about the profoundness of the love we have for one another. One of those meaningful moments from which you can undeniably build on what would come after. And as much as we didn’t know how significant that moment was at the time, we all knew that the communion of “À Ces Matins Sans Âme” would be a fundamental first step towards the materialization of “Vague Souvenir” and instrumental in the unfolding measure by which we would discover its defining spirit. It was to be the beginning, what we would refer to as the “arising awareness”…
Comments (5)
Moose
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At first, when the idea of including your poems on the album came, I thought it was the pure expression of what it is to be free, what it is to enjoy what you fought for, what we fought for. As deep and intense as the poems can be, I see them as a celebration of the grace and the love you decided to embrace in order to live and thrive. It’s true in so many aspects starting with what an album should be… What is it supposed to be, can you tell me guys? We often talked about letting go, getting rid of any illusions that blinded us, to fully be ourselves and define our own path. Well this AIN’T any act of protestation against the music industry, it’s us, it’s our story, it’s you opening up in a pure, fragile and well assumed way… in your first language. If an album should represent who an artist is, then Vague Souvenir is a window not only on our story but on what we live during this actual season of our lives. The album’s warmth and intimacy reveals a peace bursting out of the heaviness we’ve been carrying. It might sound like a paradox but it’s truly what it is. Nothing has been tamed, it is a self-abandonment spirit and it’s what makes my heart be at ease today. When everything is under the light, what do you have to be scared of? It’s when everything is exposed that you can see what’s left and what’s left is us, united and closer than ever. What’s left is your soul, shinier than ever.
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Ben
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I was very surprise when I read this poem for the first time and in fact I thought that it was amazing that Alex allowed himself to go beyond his fears and let his soul and creativity speak. I always saw Alex like an invincible man…strong of character… firm in his opinions, a crazy man with no fear of nothing. But as an artist, as a singer, as a songwriter he sometimes has so many doubts, the fear of being irrelevant… his strong and intense desire to touch people’s heart and his passion for people has always led him to question himself and even sometimes forget about himself. Art is such a personal thing in my opinion… and you cannot ignore yourself, because in a way…it’s what’s rooted deep inside of you that’s gonna touch the heart of the people…because it’s true. And to see Alex, not questioning himself if it’s good or not, if it fits or not, how people are gonna receive that… no, just a man giving himself away….sharing his heart…his burden… and his story through words that became eternal by their honesty. I was very proud of him… the fact that he grasp this freedom of just ”be” ! That’s the thing I can relate to the most from ”À Ces Matins Sans Âme.”
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Chris
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Thank you Alex for ”À Ces Matins Sans Âme”… a ”stammering vulnerability” that touches me deeply… It is helping me to gain maturity over my mixed and sometimes confused feelings…
All of these ”Matins Sans Âme” are inside of me, I don’t feel like any of them are being erased, they are there and probably will always be since they are my story and a part of me… but that doesn’t paralyze me anymore…After a morning, even if soulless, there is an entire day that comes, and this day is what I am building on…
You say in your blog: ”redemption was offering itself through the acknowledgement of my self-abusive ownership of those very same words… Mercy could be consumed by the acceptance of letting go of those words… that inner peace was purely communed by the collectivization of those words, that once sincerely shared, have the ability to set free”… I absolutely embrace this vision, vulnerable parts of us have no power over us and can even be companions of true inner peace…We just need to accept them…
I understand why this blog from you about ”À Ces Matins Sans Âme” is so refreshing and positive….”À Ces Matins Sans Âme” is not a complaint, it’s a goodbye letter to these soulless mornings…powerful enough to ”set free”!!
Thank you for sharing it!!
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Elizabeth
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the love between you has truly been tested and refined in fire – i think that it must be so to survive burning so brightly, illuminating hearts and corners of this dark world, near and far..
love to you all!! always!!!! praying!!!
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Stephanie
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Through all the years, it has always been a true privilege for me to be able to have a special insight inside of your heart through those pieces of anything that became a canvas for you to write down whatever was going through your mind, be it a single word, a few sentences or a complete text… The topics you have written about were always the same, a quest for inner peace, memories of a long-gone love, an unreachable hope… But the peace you had while writing those texts has always gotten bigger and bigger, proving just how close you were to that peace you had been longing for. Though those texts never fail to make me cry every time I read them, it is not only because they remind me of what I still lack in my own life, but also because I am now proud to see you the way you are today, shining, happy and free.
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